It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the loneliest of times, it was the saddest of times. But, with quarantine there does come some upside, like the ability to watch a buncha movies. I figured since I’m bored, I might as well help ease other peoples boredom. So here’s 15 movies, all available on the big three streaming services, Netflix, Amazon Prime and Hulu. So, uhh yeah enjoy if you want. Have a good day, or don’t, your life my dude.
NETFLIX:
Does the idea of having an anxiety attack while watching a movie sound like a good ole fun time? Do I have the movie for you, Good Time (2017) a film from the Safdie Brothers. This is the movie that changed my opinion on Robert Pattinson, who plays the lead character Connie Nikas. Connie is what you’d call a bad influence on Nick, his on the spectrum brother played by Benny Safdie. Connie convinces Nick to help him rob a bank, leading a film that I like to think of as a series of first act introductions to wildly different films. I won’t give away any of the twists of the movie, however I promise you you don’t know where it’s going by the end of the wild ride.
Her (2013) is sad, but not in a whah whah kinda sad, more of a I’ll be alone forever kinda sad. This film stars Joaquin Phoenix as Theodore, a lonely writer who falls in love with his phone's operating system, voiced by multi raced Scarlett Johanson. This film is written and directed by Spike Jonez whose wild and unique style helps sell the future world in which man and machine can fall in love, giving hope to the simps everywhere. This film is gorgeous, the haunting nature of the film will stay with you for days, unless you’ve already fallen in love with a robit, if so maybe weeks.
Have you heard all of the buzz surrounding Parasite winning best picture, yet don’t want to jump the massive barrier subtitles provide to those weaker minded? Boy, do I have the film for you. Snowpiercer (2013) is an english language film made by the same director of Parasite, Bong Joon Ho, and stars Americas Ass Chris Evans as Curtis. Curtis lives in the back section of a train that is forever moving, circling an Earth that has been frozen over in a global apocalypse. After realizing the guards from the front cars have no ammo, the back section revolts, led by Curtis. This film is absolutely wild, every actor involved really helps sell the world presented to us. If you’re looking for a unique action film, one like you’ve never seen before, I highly recommend checking out Snowpiercer.
Italy. 1950s. Jazz. Lies. Deceit. Murder? The Talented Mr Ripley (1999) is chalk full of all of that, and so much more, especially in the Italy department. Starring Young Matt Damon and his bowl cut as Tom Ripley, Jude Law as Dickie Greenleaf (Hold your chuckles) and Gwyneth Paltrow as Marge Sherwood. Ripley is hired by Dickie's Dad to go to Italy and convince his son to come home. However, Ripley has no intentions of coming back. This film is a slow burn to its core, really ramping up the tension and stakes as the film goes along. Add in an excellent supporting cast of Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Cate Blanchett and fantastic music and a slice of Italy in its full beauty, you gots a good movie on ya hands.
One of my all time favorite genres of film surrounds degenerate gamblers. The best example of this comes from the film Rounders (1998). This film stars Matt Damon as Mike, a law student who leaves the world of underground poker in New York City after losing all his savings in one hand. He’s reluctantly pulled back into the life as his buddy Worm, played by Ed Norton, gets outa prison and into trouble with the lone sharks. If you ask me if it shocks me that a guy nicknamed worm is in trouble with loans I would not be shocked in the slightest. This film is pure, unedited degenerate gambling, and I love it for that.
AMAZON PRIME:
Every asshole in film school wants to make a film about their own life, myself included. Normally, these movies suck. However, Honey Boy (2019) is not one of them. Written and starring Shia LaBeouf, the film follows the character of Otis, who’s sent to court ordered rehab, where he goes through flashbacks of his life at 12, living with his father in a motel. The film is loosely based on the real Shia, who wrote the film while in court ordered rehab. You mix that in with the fact that Shia plays his father in the film, you get one of the strangest yet most satisfying Father Son stories I’ve ever seen.
“I did not hit her. I did not, it’s bullshit! Oh hai Mark.”
There has never been, nor will there ever be, a greater line uttered in film history. For the uneducated, this is from the movie The Room, which is considered the worst movie ever made, yet to this day, it has a cult following most movies would dream of. The Room is not the movie I want to recommend, although please see it if you haven’t, especially with a few drinks. The Disaster Artist, is a film about making the Room, and is so weird but so funny for those who have seen the room. James Franco plays Tommy Wisou, the mysterious man behind The Room. This film is funny as hell, making one of the worst things ever made into a film that loves film with a good sprinkle of jokes mixed in.
HI THERE. HAVE YOU WATCHED THE MOVIE CASTAWAY AND THOUGHT, “MAN I LIKE THIS MOVIE BUT IT LOOKS TOO WARM THERE?? DO I HAVE THE MOVIE FOR YOU! HI PARKER MAYS HERE, and I’m gonna drop that bit now. Arctic (2018) is a film about a man named Overgård played by Mads Mikkelsen, who gets stranded in the Arctic after a plane crash. The film is directed by Joe Penna, someone that I better knew as MysteryGuitarMan on Youtube back in the old days of Youtube. This film is the epitome of isolation and is a worthy watch.
I’ll keep this one short and sweet. If you like the Talking Heads, or hell even music, watch Stop Making Sense. It’s a documentary that follows the Talking Heads on tour in 1983 promoting their new album at the time, Speaking in Tongues. This documentary is more of a rock live show, however the production fits the music extremely well, making for one hell of a good time while watching.
This last one is probably the most insane film on the list. Climax (2019) is the new film from french filmmaker Gaspar Noé, director of Enter the Void among others. Climax is a film that I really don’t recommend to everyone. I can only really recommend it to those who really love horror films and can handle an unorthodox experience. This film follows Sofia Boutella as Selva, a dancer who joins a group of other dancers locked in a gym during a snowstorm. The movie then takes a sharp left turn into one of the most insane, scary and LSD hallucination filled nightmares I’ve ever seen. Noe gave the actors little direction while on the LSD, which adds a level of unpredictability to the movie you’ve never seen. Not for the faint hearted, but a wild ride I couldn’t give more praise to.
HULU:
Parasite is the best film on this list. I can’t sell you on this if you haven’t seen it yet. Watch it.
Ever had that crazy stalker try to ruin your life? If you wanna live that life, seek help. Then, watch Ingrid Goes West (2017). This film follows Aubrey Plaza as Ingrid, an unhinged girl that moves to LA to stalk and befriend an Instagram Influencer. This film isn’t great, but it’s a fun watch and Plaza steals the show in her role. I really liked the writing in this movie, most of the characters are really fun to be with, making for a film that doesn’t really know what kind of tone it wants to take, however is still a fun ride.
Where my Dick Cheny fans out there?
Vice (2018) is a biopic about Dick Cheny, following him for most of his life. Cheny is played by Christian Bale, who put on the weight to inhabit the body type of Cheny. The film has a lot of style, some to the film's detriment. Director Adam Mckay used the same style in his last film The Big Short, however it doesn’t work as well in the context of this film. This is still one of the best biopics made recently, filled with great performances, writing and editing (in some parts).
If I could pick one person in the fictional universe to go out and have a roughty night with, there is literally no other answer in my mind than Trent played by Vince Vaughn from the film Swingers (1996). This is the film that put Jon Favreau on the map, as writer and main character Mike. This is one of those movies I like to call a hangout movie, where nothing really happens in the film, however the characters are so fun to hangout with you watch strictly for that. This is an enjoyable ride that makes for fun viewing while your sad and sipping beer in the hottest club in town, your couch.
I’m the bad boy of internet movie columns so I’m gonna break my own rules here and put a Tv Show on the list. That’s right, I’m dangerous now. Speaking of being dangerous, cyberhacking and crime is real scary, luckily there’s a show out there that will make you more afraid than you already are! Mr. Robot (2015-2019) is a show about unhinged computer hacker Elliot, played by Rami Malek, who joins up with underground hackers to take down a powerful and corrupt corporation. This is a show that keeps you guessing the whole time, mixed in with some truly original shot composition and ideas that keep it on top. Each season seems to get better than the last, with fantastic performances from side characters, especially by Christian Slater's character. This is a wild ride, so strap in and feel scared for your cyber safety.
Thank you for reading, it was nice to sit down and actually write something, hopefully I can keep up with some more frequent reviews, but knowing me that ain’t gonna happen.
But who knows,
crazier things happen